Love in addiction: How to help the partner to recover

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In fact, drug addiction is a disease that makes one commit immoral acts, transgress the law, and make life difficult for those closest to them and loved ones. This is a disease that can become infected anyone who has tried drugs at least once. No medication was invented from her, but she can be defeated.

Close people see best what alcohol or drugs do to a person. Of course, they want to help their loved one. And they themselves are tired of quarrels and anxieties for the future. It happens that there is fear for the life of a loved one. Friends and family of addicts really want the situation to change for the better.

Help or assistance

Facilitating the problem in rehab for couples on drugs (click for source) means that you are doing things that at first glance may look like a desire to help, but in fact, by your behavior, you contribute to maintaining dependency with a loved one. In fact, this means that it is easier for you to succumb to the moods, threats, and manipulations of others, and you are frightened by the idea that you will have to set boundaries and insist on your own. You are afraid that if you do not fulfill the requirements of a dependent person, in retaliation, he will behave even more unpredictable. You are afraid that he might leave you or end his days on the street. And you are straining to the last to prevent this from happening. Unfortunately, from such little efforts is no sense at all.

Excessive custody

If you try to save people in any situation, you are depriving them of the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficulties. Because belief in oneself as a strong person develops in people when they accept the challenges of fate and deal with complex problems. We must encourage our loved ones to believe in themselves so that they learn to cope with difficult life situations. If you constantly surround the dependent person with excessive care, he will start thinking that he will not be able to take care of himself, and as a result, your couples rehab will not be successful.

Taking responsibility for the actions of a dependent person

Taking responsibility for the actions of a dependent person means that, imperceptibly to yourself, you encourage him to continue to behave in the same way. For example, a loved one has a habit of drinking a lot in the evenings, and sometimes in the mornings, he cannot go to work because of a hangover. When you apologize, call his boss, saving him in this way, in fact, you create a situation in which he is not responsible for his actions.

Charging a partner is a very slippery slope. Often the charges make a person stubborn and even more intransigent. The situation does not change, and anger and hostility only intensify.

It is very easy to think that you could be happy if the other person stops their abusive behavior. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking puts you in the victim position. There are always two sides to a relationship, and if the other side is behaving badly towards you, you may have allowed this to happen. Rehab for couples can help you to understand that you can in no way be responsible for the behavior and actions of another person. Dependent people are often very inclined to blame others for their problems. They can blame the life partner, the children, the bosses, the weather, the failure, and even the loosened lace to take the responsibility off of himself. Such developments should be foreseen and not take responsibility for the actions of another person.

How to talk with a loved one?

Try to speak calmly, in a smooth voice. Do not moralize and do not blame (“you promised not to do it again!”). Pressure causes resistance, and self-defense can force one to avoid such talk and hide abuse.

It is reasonable to explain why his using drugs is a problem for you. Without being charged, try to describe the situations that arise and express the feelings they aroused in you. Remind him of past times and how your life was before problems began. If you miss the time you spent together, tell him about it. If a loved one has already tried to reduce consumption in the past, remind him that he succeeded and that for both of you it was a better period than now.

If a loved one does not want to talk, give him time to cope with the awkwardness. Perseverance only increases resistance: a person goes into himself, tries to avoid conversations, finds excuses for himself, denies the problem, attacks in response, etc. These are the natural defense mechanisms of man.

You should not be disappointed if the conversation does not work out on the first attempt – it may take time. It is important that you clearly express your feelings and thoughts. Do not make excuses and do not apologize for his drunken deeds or unacceptable behavior to others, do not do anything for him, do not take on his obligations and responsibilities. Former addicts say that “the best way to help an alcoholic is not to help.”

If you feel that the forces are running out, find someone who can look at the situation from the outside and with whom you can talk about your problem. Actually, you can join couples drug rehab. It will help you better understand your feelings and put your thoughts in order. This, in turn, will help you to start the conversation correctly the next time.

What can help?

Realization of reality is not always an easy process. Sometimes it’s hardest to admit to yourself how terrible the situation really is. It may be so that those around you have already understood for a very long time what all your sufferings are, although you yourself would have continued to hide your head in the sand with shame and guilt.

Trying to pretend that you do not notice the truth does not save the situation. Rejection of the false hopes that everything will work out by itself is an important step that needs to be taken to improve your own life and the lives of those around you.

Act together with others: Talk to people who also play an important role in the life of a dependent person – family, friends, colleagues, etc. Together agree on the boundaries, as well as how to communicate with an addict. You can discuss the problem with an addict and rehab for couples on drugs can help you. Be sure to avoid accusations. Talk to him about situations where his addiction has affected you and caused problems.

 

About the Author:

Thanush Poulsen is a health columnist from Denmark focused on conditions related to addiction. His works aim to help people understand the nature of addictions and what stands behind them.

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