When planning a wedding, the only subjects you are thinking about are the dress, suit, flowers, honeymoon destination, and music. Your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life, but you should also focus on what happens next.
When planning a wedding, people tend to ignore the main point, after this day they’ll spend the rest of their life sharing the good and the bad with someone else.
During the engagement period, you need to reflect what your expectations are, and what kind of person you want to share your life with. It’s a great opportunity to discuss with your partner some subjects that will decide the success of the marriage. Your engagement is the period that prepares you for the marriage you want to build. Before saying I Do, discuss the following subjects with your partner to ensure you have the same expectations.
Do you want to have kids? How do you want to raise them?
If you haven’t discussed this subject until now, it’s the moment to ask your partner if they want kids. And you shouldn’t stop there if you both agree children are in the plan. Decide if adoption and surrogacy are alternatives if you’re facing issues. Then you have to establish how you want to discipline, educate, and raise them. These issues can lead to major disputes later, so it’s important to discuss them ahead.
Don’t worry if you disagree on some subjects. Now you may want a single child and your partner more, but once you have your first one, you’ll better understand if one is enough. It’s essential to agree on the timetable, education and alternative options if traditional methods don’t work.
What role will your parents play in your married life?
Once you’re married your family will expand, and you’ll have to plan activities with both yours and their parents. Discuss before the wedding how often you’ll visit your parents, if you spend holidays together, and how the relationship with your parents influences your marriage.
Do you want to start new traditions now that you have your own family? Or do you want to celebrate the same as your parents did? Will your parents have a role when you’ll make life decisions?
A marriage sets a relationship between two people and their families. Establish what your parents’ role is, and how you want to manage a relationship with them.
How important your career is?
Many couples have disputes because they don’t establish how important their careers are, before tying the knot. Your career shouldn’t be a source of tension and stress, so each of you should find a balance between work and family.
Talk before marriage if you want to keep money in separate accounts, how you’ll pay monthly bills, and what investments you want to make. Decide how much you want to spend and save monthly, and what spendings are important. You have to create your own strategy regarding family finances because no one else can do it for you. Discuss with your partner where you want to be in 5 years from now, in terms of career and finances. Getting expectations in line before getting married will reduce the arguments and disputes you’ll have later.
Once again, it’s ok to disagree on some aspects right now. You may intend to work extra hours, but once you’ll have a baby, you’ll probably decide you want to spend more time at home. Time may also influence your career expectations, so be open to changes.
What’s your view on sex?
Your views of sex are already shaped. They were even before meeting your partner. But now that you’re getting married you need to decide what’s comfortable for both of you, especially if you haven’t discussed the subject before. They’re the ones you’ll share your life with, so you need to establish what expectations each of you has. How will sex impact your marriage? Are you both willing to experiment with sex toys or do you prefer more traditional intercourse? Understanding your partner’s sexual views on vaginal and anal sex prepares you for intimacy, and sets you on the same page. Keep in mind that anal pleasure is not just for women, but for men too and using toys is perfectly fine with straight couples.
How do you plan to handle fights?
Arguments are part of any marriage, so it’s impossible to avoid them. The way you handle them impacts your happiness. Moving together before getting married is a great way to understand how each of you manages conflicts. When you discuss how you’ll solve arguments, you should think back at one of your fights and review what happened. Did one of you refuse to discuss the problem? Were you able to listen to what the other had to say? Did you go to bed upset? You probably have different ways to share messages, so you should decide what is acceptable to do and say when you have a fight.
You’ll disagree on basic subjects like how you want to run chores, the house, who cleans what room, and how many cats and dogs you want. But communication can solve all these arguments.
Do you want to know each other’s past?
It’s important to talk about your past when you plan a wedding because who you were in the past shaped who you are now. Whether you felt great pain or you had a happy life before, you should share it with your partner, to help them understand who they will share their life with.
If you establish not to ask about each other’s past, then you should respect this decision no matter what. Your past relationships and decisions don’t fully determine who you are now. They shaped the person you are, but they shouldn’t affect your connection with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing some experiences, they should respect your decision.
Before the wedding is also the right time to share secrets. From medical issues to personal choices and family secrets, you should be open about the things you hide. Paving the way with honesty will help you build a healthy marriage and a happy life.
Discussing the above subjects with your fiancé ensures you’ll enjoy your marriage and you’ll minimise disputes and issues.