Few life experiences are as exciting as getting married and so it should be. Unfortunately, many couples ride the wave of joy leading up to the wedding day without considering the time coming directly after. Whether you’ve lived together before or not, for many it’s only then that they really get to know each other.
You may have different expectations of what it is to be a married couple and this revealing time is bound to lead to conflict.
Toughest First: Find Out About Finances
This is a topic most people avoid even in general conversation. Don’t fall into that trap when it comes to your and your partner’s future.
Find out about each other’s debt so you don’t feel you’re trapped in a situation you weren’t aware of. You should also discuss your spending guidelines. Ask what your partner is willing to spend on items like clothing or holidays. If you have different perspectives you may think the other is wasting money or too stingy. You need to find a compromise that suits both.
What Are Your Career Goals?
You’re marrying someone while he or she is in a specific season of life. But times change. Will you be comfortable with someone making a sudden career change? This isn’t something everyone feels happy about especially if it affects your financial situation.
Also discuss whether you dream of being promoted. You need to know how motivated your partner is so you don’t make assumptions about where he or she is heading in life.
Having children is not a given for all couples. If one party doesn’t want children, the other individual must decide whether he or she can live with that decision.
In other instances you may not be able to have children. Prepare for this by knowing and understanding your partner’s viewpoints and asking important questions:
- Will you consider adoption?
- Is there someone you can ask to become a surrogate?
- Do you have the funds to pay for IVF if necessary?
Technology and Your Relationship
What do most of us do when we have a spare moment? Scroll through Facebook, right?
Even though most people do this, it can cause conflict if you feel your partner ignores you for the sake of online shopping, gaming or even watching a TV series. Decide how you will allow technology to affect your home life:
- Is a TV in the bedroom acceptable?
- Do you need guidelines about smartphone usage such as not taking them to the dinner table?
- Will you give each other access to your phones? This could boost trust or break it down if you feel the other party is hiding something.
The goal is to ensure there’s enough time to work on your relationship. Don’t let technology get the better of you.
In all these scenarios, the focus should be to minimize future shock and conflict by being better prepared for the other party’s point of view. Do you have the courage to face it now? In the long term you’ll be glad you did.